Trick or Treat

When I was a kid, rain or shine I went trick or treating, nothing would stop me from getting candy.  However, my timid demeanor set me aside from the other children.  I never demanded to have a certain amount, or kind of candy.  I was never like the little hellions that I had to deal with this past weekend.

Now, I will preface this by saying that not ALL of the children were bad, but after three straight hours of handy out candy to hundreds of kids, I wanted to take a long walk off of a short cliff.  Also, I will not disclose the location of my treat giving extravaganza in order to protect the innocent, even though most of these kids checked their innocence at the door. 

In between ambushes children, there were a few kids that made the day worth while.  First, I'll start with the Vampire.  Costume complete with black pants, shirt and a red cape, the young boy was anything but scary.  Then he started to engage in conversation.  Vampire boy said, "people keep on stepping on my cape and choking me."  I replied, "Oh...that sucks (pun intended), here have some candy."  He said thanks and walked towards the front door while shouting, "I'm going to MURDER the next person that steps on my cape."  Although his costume fell short of anything frightening, his words made up for it.  He scared the crap out of me.

My second encounter was with a very distressed Princess.  While picking out her candy she decided to tell me how her day was going, "I am NOT having a good day."  I said, "Oh, why not?"  She said, "my socks are wet and my bag is wet."  I said, "Aw, I'm sorry.  Here have some candy."  While I felt bad for the Princess, I couldn't help but wonder why she was wet--it wasn't raining.

I've saved the best trick or treat exchange for last.  I have no idea what this girl was dressed up as, so for the purpose of this written nonsense, I will call her Betsy.  Until Betsy, children simply said thank you and walked away.  After giving Betsy a piece of candy, she slowly walked backwards while giving me the look of death.  Betsy continued starring at me while passing the hurd of children to get back to her comfort zone.  After reaching the warm embrace of her mother, Betsy looked back at me with a look of disappointment.  I was completely at a loss and ran through everything in my head, see child, give child candy, how could I mess up something so simple?  I finally got my answer when I overheard Betsy whine to her Mom, "I got money...I wanted candy!"  Her Mom chuckled and said, "no honey, that's not real money, that's chocolate in a gold wrapper."  Face palm.  I guess I learned the hard way that chocolate coins should be handed out with disclaimers.

It was those experiences that  really made the day worth while and almost made me forget about the kids that pondered over their choice of candy while there was a line of 20 behind them.  I most definitely forgot about the kids that grabbed for candy by the handful, when I told them to pick two.  Also, as a side note, if you are taller than me and old enough to hit on me--you shouldn't be trick or treating.

Coffee Maker

I have never been so indecisive in my life.  I can't pick what's behind door number one, because I am wondering what's behind door number three.  I ponder heavily over whether or not I should write a poem or design a new art piece.  These are not life or death decisions, but I treat them as such.  I have what I like to call "Creative ADD."  If there is ever an award given out to someone that often thinks, but doesn't do--I will gladly accept.  As of right now, I am distracted by the kid outside screaming "she wants to look at his weiner!"  But I digress.  Should I win the "Think, But Doesn't Do" award, I have prepared a speech:

First of all, I'd like to thank Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon for making this possible.  I don't know where I'd be without the instant access to television I don't need to watch and items I don't need to buy.  I'd like to thank God for my iPhone without which I wouldn't be able to check Twitter and Facebook as often as I blink.  Social networking, you have shortened my attention span to 140 characters or less.   When I agree with someone's opinion, I picture a "like" button above their head.  If someone says something quotable, I imagine hash tagging it. #crazybuttrue

I'd also like to give a big shout out to the shadows on the wall, my cat, and the homeless guy with tourettes for attributing to my minimal accomplishments.  Last, but not least, I'd like to thank my racing thoughts and the marathon they will never run.

This week, my "Creative ADD" lead me to the purchase of a coffee maker on Amazon.  When I was supposed to be working on my Grandmother's memoir, I was distracted by the sudden thought of java and how I'd like a nice coffee maker.

If accomplishments could be purchased Amazon, I'd be in a meeting with Johnny Depp discussing the epicness of my novel and how he'd love to play the lead role in the movie adaptation of "Ginger."  Then we'd talk about how "epicness" isn't really a word, but we should make it one. 

I suppose I will get back to writing my novel, creating masterpieces, setting and not meeting goals in three days...after my coffee maker arrives.