There are five floors in my apartment building and I’m on the fifth, so I face the music daily. Today, I got up early to clean my place up and start laundry. My hair looked like it lost all gravitational pull and my attire consisted of black/pink Nike shoes, black/gray plaid pajama pants, and a blue Adidas hoodie--I looked just darling.
Looking as lovely as I did, I decided to take the garbage downstairs to the bins in the parking garage. I thought to myself, no one will be up this early. I was wrong. I was in the elevator by myself until it stopped on the 4th floor. After, swearing under my breath and rolling my eyes, a cute boy entered the elevator. Of course. However, despite looking like I rolled out of bed and into whatever clothes were on my floor, the boy spoke to me, asked me how my morning was. I told him my morning was good so far, I was cleaning and doing laundry, hence my appearance--I got a laugh out of him and a cute smile. What was thought to be a dreadful experience turned out to be memorable.
For those of you that have been in my building, you know how long and narrow my hallway is. For those of you that haven’t, picture the hallway in “The Shining” with the two little girls in blue dresses standing at the end of it--my apartment is right behind the two little girls. The laundry room and elevator is at the opposite end of the hallway. Therefore, the walk toward the laundry room can be a long one, and today, I found out it could be mistaken for something else.
Carrying two quarters and a dryer sheet in my hand, I slowly descended down the hallway when a “neighbor” left her apartment and headed for the elevator. She saw me out of the corner of her eye. I saw her push the button to go down (there is no up). Within ten-seconds, she glanced at me again and decided to take the steps instead. Now, either she was REALLY in a hurry or she thought I was on my way to the elevator too. Well bitch, too bad you didn’t wait three seconds to see me turn into the laundry room--could’ve saved yourself five flights of stairs.
There you have it people--two completely different sides of the elevator spectrum. Please allow me to give some advice, because I’ve seen and experienced a lot since living in this building.
- Hold the elevator door open if you see someone approaching it.
- If you are scared and do not want to ride the elevator with me (or anyone), do not let the elevator SLOWLY close while I’m walking towards it, at least have the courtesy to rapidly hit the “close door” button.
- If we are riding together, do not face the wall and pretend I’m not there--that doesn’t work anymore, you are not a cat. Just say hi, or I will.
- Please don’t fart.
